so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
