There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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