Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
