I got chris browned last night
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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