She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
