Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
