There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
