My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He is an equal opportunity slut.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
