You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
