There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
