So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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