Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
