Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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