Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
