The maid of honor just puked.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
