Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you never un-have a 4some
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
