The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
