Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
