That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
We got so high we made milksteak
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Panties = found
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
