someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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