Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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