Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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