Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
