I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
