new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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