the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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