i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
