so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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