this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she told me i tasted like america
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
