i wish my penis had a tongue
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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