i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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