you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
