I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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