can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
