come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
