Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
