so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
