the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i dont even know how to be here
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
