there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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