So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
