Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
