What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
