i think my mom watched the whole time
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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