i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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