Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
