Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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