You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
