hotel room ftw
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
