so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
