After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
